pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
home. puking in laundry basket.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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