Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
