yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
