Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
