Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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