He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
