The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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