that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
