my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
