Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
