You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
