If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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