Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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