you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
