respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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