garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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