My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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