This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
