Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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