At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
