So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
