evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
