i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
