Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
