Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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