I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
