New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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