I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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