my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
