at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
