Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
