he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
