I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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