On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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