Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
