I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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