I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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