guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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