Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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