I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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