just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
A+ Viking dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
