We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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