He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
