he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
