and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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