I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
