1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
