Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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