At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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