i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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