you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
