why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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