WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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