His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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