I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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