oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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