Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
