I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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