So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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