Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
