I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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