Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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