Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
