so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
