my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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