Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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