well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
is it fun? or sober?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
