it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
