Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
