I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
