These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
