I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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