Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
