She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
