Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
