I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
