May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize