shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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