3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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