wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
